Luca Morgan: 'I thought, 'What the hell am I doing?' I was burning myself alive to lose weight and it wasn't even working’

Britain's champion conditional jockey Luca Morgan shocked the racing world when he announced his retirement from the saddled aged 22 last year. He spoke to Sam Hendry about his decision, and we have republished the interview which was first published exclusively for Racing Post Members' Club subscribers in December 2023.

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As Luca Morgan walks into a cosy owners’ room at Ben Pauling’s yard in Naunton, he picks up a slice of a chocolate traybake from the side.

A pretty unremarkable moment, you might think. For most of us, including your writer, perhaps to his detriment, indulging in some chocolate is a perfectly normal occurrence. But for Morgan this marks an abrupt departure from the exceptionally harsh regimes he forced his body through over the last few years as he desperately clung to his childhood dream of being a jockey.

“The novelty of eating does wear off quite quickly, it’s not as good as you think,” quips Morgan, who became Britain's champion conditional jockey in April only to stun the sport when he announced his immediate retirement last month aged 22.

The talented young rider, standing a broad 5ft 11in, came from no equine background but caught the bug at a young age and fought his way through the pony racing and point-to-point scenes before his success in the professional ranks. However, he had struggled to manage his weight for much of his career and his body began to reach breaking point when he returned from a break, partially enforced by injury, over the summer. After powering through his troubles at the end of last season, culminating in a joyous day at Sandown in April when he picked up his trophy after riding 46 winners, Morgan had only 21 more rides before the warning lights flashed too brightly to ignore.

Speaking to the Racing Post after making his announcement, Morgan described his body as “crying out for help”. After listening to his story, it is clear there was no hint of exaggeration in those words.

“I always struggled with my weight,” he admits. “I had people telling me when I was younger I was too big but I would just pretend they never said anything because there was never a doubt in my mind that I wasn’t going to do this. I was so stubborn that I never believed it would get to a point of no return. I was maybe a bit naive in that way but I really didn’t know in my own mind that it had to end until the day I announced I was stopping – even the day before I was adamant I could carry on.”

So what was the tipping point for his agonising decision?

“I had a foot injury in the summer and I had a bit of time off, which I thought would be fine, but when I got back I had three or four rides and I was really struggling. By not doing anything for so long my weight had settled at completely the wrong level and it just wouldn't come off. I was meant to ride at Ludlow and I think I had a pound to lose. I hadn’t had a sweat before, so I was hydrated. Usually losing a pound when you’re hydrated is very easy. I did my usual routine – I have a running route where I know exactly how much I’ll lose, or if I’m in a hot bath I know how much time I need to spend in it to lose a pound.

“I did the run and didn’t lose anything, so I thought maybe I wasn’t warmed up yet. I jumped in the bath for 45 minutes and usually I’d lose 2lb being in a bath for that long, but I didn’t lose anything. I thought, ‘This is weird’. So I turned the temperature in the bath even hotter. I remember looking down at my chest below the water line and I was completely red and burned but I still wasn’t sweating. 

“I just thought, 'What the hell am I doing? I’m literally burning myself alive and it’s not even working'. At that point I felt like my body had given up. It was as if it knew what I was trying to do to it and I no longer had control over it.

“There were other days like that where I would grin and bear it, but when I could see physically what it was doing to me that was the point of no return.”

Luca Morgan (left) collects his champion conditional trophy alongside Brian Hughes, Sir Anthony McCoy and Paul NichollsCredit: Edward Whitaker

This was no isolated spell either but the culmination of months of mental and physical anguish. During his successful conditional title charge, Morgan spent four days riding at this year’s Cheltenham Festival.

Although there were no wins, he was placed on Global Citizen in the Grand Annual and Shakem Up’Arry in the Plate before coming within a length and a half of ending on the highest of highs when finishing second on No Ordinary Joe for Nicky Henderson and JP McManus in the Martin Pipe.

This should have been a week to savour how far he had come and how much further he had the potential to go, but behind the scenes his routine to keep his weight down was becoming increasingly unmanageable.

“It was only at the end of the season that I really noticed my life had become all about how to manage my weight and I was riding horses on the side," he recalls. "It should be the other way round and that’s what ruined my body.

“At Cheltenham I had a routine. I had to be riding at 10st 9lb or 10st 10lb every day, and that is my absolute minimum. I would finish riding in the evening and I’d drink one can of sparkling water and eat two chicken goujons and that was all I’d have all day. I’d wake up the next morning and because I’d had that I needed to sweat it off again. The whole week was that on repeat. There are so many better ways to manage your weight. I know that, everyone knows that, but when you’re in a situation where you need an instant solution I felt I didn’t have another option.”

One option that used to be open but had been closed off was racecourse saunas. During his first couple of seasons, Morgan would regularly rely on saunas to help make weight, but their removal following the coronavirus pandemic was a frustration for him and only exacerbated his struggles. 

“It might not have ultimately helped me in avoiding the decision to stop riding, but it would have prolonged my career and it would have made my life a lot easier,” he says.

“I was having to sweat out at home, then drive three hours to wherever I was riding dehydrated instead of driving and then dehydrating at the course. 

“It was an absolute stress thinking, 'What if I get there and I need to lose a pound and I can’t?' I hate the thought of letting people down, my trainers and owners. I just started overthinking everything and there wasn’t enough time in the day for me to do anything about it.

“I should have only been dehydrated for half an hour at the races, but I was dehydrated for almost the whole day. They just pushed the problem into your home rather than at the racecourse. I know there’s a lot more to it than that but for the safety of every jockey I think they should bring the saunas back.”

It was that dehydration that caused Morgan the most pain. He could manage hardly eating, but he felt barely allowing himself a drink of water stripped away everything including his personality. It became obvious to those around him that all was not right, particularly to Pauling, who over the last four years morphed into a friend, mentor and close confidant for Morgan as much as his employer.

“You find out loads about yourself when you’re dehydrated because you go to some pretty dark places," Morgan says.

"It takes everything away from you. You can’t pretend to anyone about how you feel and put on a happy face. You’re ill, your ears pop, everything annoys you more than it should. I would wake up in the mornings, weigh myself, ride out and the whole time in my mind without a second’s rest I would be thinking about my weight that day. 

“What have I got to lose? Can I or can’t I have a coffee? Getting to the races and hoping my scales weren’t wrong. Simple things like getting up off the sofa became a massive effort. My mind was totally gone.

“I was very open with Ben about it all. We’ve had some very frank conversations in the room we’re in now. We get on so well and I’m very chatty with him and always making jokes. He’d always be able to tell when I wasn’t myself and he’d come to talk to me about it. I have so much respect for him for that."

At least one thing that gave Morgan some respite was the day job. 

Luca Morgan cites his bumper victory on Fiercely Proud at Cheltenham on New Year's Day as one of his most treasured moments in the saddleCredit: John Grossick

“What I found was that as soon as I was on a horse it was fine," he says. "Once I was weighed out, legged up and out there, and I don’t know if it was maybe the adrenaline, I would feel a million per cent. I never once felt weak in a finish or that I performed worse because of it. The science says being dehydrated slows your reactions down and it probably does, but I never once felt like I didn’t ride as well as I could.”

It is clear that in the month since he made the decision to stop professional race-riding, a weight has lifted from his shoulders.

“I feel a lot healthier,” he says. “Things don’t annoy me so much. My head used to be so filled with worry and if someone did the tiniest thing that annoyed me I would snap at them.

“I’m happier now. I wasn’t gutted that I stopped when I did or because I was champion conditional, I was gutted because of the job I had. It’s strange watching some of the horses coming out now and winning their novice hurdles or running good races. I wish I was riding them and there’s a small part of me that is gutted I'm not, but that isn't in my control any more.”

Morgan may not be seen on the back of a horse in public any more, but he is certainly not planning to disappear. The day before we met he signed off the lease on a yard in Warwick where is planning to open a pre-training operation before Christmas. He hopes this can be the first small step on the road to one day possessing a training licence.

“I wasn’t looking to rush into anything but I need something to focus on to give me a buzz or competitive edge and this came up. I always said that one day – and I know how difficult it will be to get to – I would like to train. I wouldn’t say this is a stepping stone but it’s a base. I have some nice young horses and Ben said he’ll support me in any way. I’ll get a good buzz out of it.”

As we part ways, Morgan takes a phone call. He’s off to pick up some bridles for his new venture, but before we go I ask if he is happy with this being the end of his riding career or if, given his age, there is a chance we might see him back on a horse and in the winner's enclosure one day if his health allows.

“A million per cent [I would ride again]. I’m only 22, so if my weight settles at some point it’s definitely not out of the question. It’s not the case that I didn’t want to do it – it’s that I couldn’t do it. If I woke up in January and my weight was fine I’d be back on a horse in five minutes, but sometimes you’ve got to look at the bigger picture.”

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