'I really do feel a right dick - I can't stand vanity and now people are going to think Elsie spends all day watching Desert Orchid'

Before we go any further, an important point must be made.

The subject of this interview, David Elsworth, now into his third year of being a former racehorse trainer, wishes it to be known that some of the content in this piece was gathered under duress and has, in his opinion, the potential to paint a wholly inaccurate picture of an individual who eschews public shows of vanity. Please do therefore bear this in mind when consuming the words and pictures that follow.

Please also be heartened by the news that, at the age of 84, Elsworth appears to be in excellent form, as is Stretch, the Dachshund with whom he shares a bungalow around a mile and a half from Newmarket's clock tower.