A magical day at Royal Ascot - and Vauban might just have enough weight for me to ride him in Melbourne now!

Balls. I’m walking up Ascot High Street when I realise I’ve left my Royal Enclosure badges at home. And the queue for the office looks the length of the Nile.

I’ll do without them, so I join the smaller queue in the owners' and trainers’ tent, only to be told there’s no tickets under my name. Ugh. Luckily, the magical Hermione Fitzgerald sorts me out. She really should change her name to Granger.

I manage to get inside in time for the preamble of trumpets and carriages and pageantry. My parents, Willie and Jackie, are back of the bus in the royal procession. No doubt because Willie was late.