'I was working all hours but had no money. Just gambling to extinction'

When gamblers who have reached crisis point come to Frankie Graham for help he knows just how they feel – he’s been there. After two decades of torment he found light at the end of the tunnel and now he ignites the beacon for the next generation.

Graham, now 47, is founder of Betknowmore UK, a non-profit social enterprise that uses the experiences of its team of former gamblers to connect with those seeking a way out of addiction, and to educate, including the gambling operators.

“Peer support is very effective,” Graham says. “Gamblers experiencing harm want to be understood. To have a two-way conversation with someone who has personal insight and understands their journey is powerful – it builds trust and underpins engagement.

“I am proud that at Betknowmore we have people on the team who have come through our recovery services and now have a platform to educate and spread awareness on where the industry can improve and better safeguard its customers.

“We provide training to the gambling industry, which includes lived experience sessions with operators – we’re saying ‘this is what happened to me’. It connects – it’s what they’re going to remember in six months. Listening to these guys talk, it’s very raw and we expect motivates commitment to safer gambling initiatives.”

Graham’s own story is the source from which the organisation has grown.

“My relationship with gambling began in the school playground,” he recounts. “It was a choice between playing football or gambling and I was immediately attracted.

“There was an influence at home as my father was a gambler. From a young age I was taken into betting shops. We would stay until asked to leave and then I’d wait outside. I was intrigued by what I’d describe now as the subculture of the betting shop, a hidden world I felt quite comfortable in.

“At 14 I started going into betting shops with friends. We’d go as a group and they’d place a football bet and leave but I’d linger. It went from once a week until I was in there every day. I fancied myself as somebody who studied form and I’d go through the Racing Post.

“My parents split up when I was ten and I believe was living with unresolved trauma. Looking back, I can see there was an escapism in betting shops. Coming from a family where money was a challenge it was a way to be independent without putting pressure on my mother for money.

“I had a paper round, then a Saturday job. I was earning but gambling. I got my A-levels and went to do a degree but my problem was becoming more serious. In 1990 I had to reveal what was going on to my family. I was working all hours, getting a student grant but I had no money, just gambling to extinction.

“You lose a sense of the value of money. It was just a resource to gamble. It felt like it didn’t belong to me because I knew I’d be back in a betting shop soon and there was a strong likelihood I’d lose it.

“You’re the most generous person in the world when you have a good day, so family and friends were thinking ‘this is fantastic, he’s buying me gifts and taking me out for meals’, but the next week I’d have to say ‘sorry, I haven’t got the bus fare to get to you’, that was the reality.

“I went to my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting when I was 18. I didn’t want to be there but my family insisted. I listened to the stories and I thought, ‘this isn’t me’. I couldn’t connect with it.

“That was my life until my late twenties. Then I came out of a relationship – my girlfriend just had enough. When it was over the handbrake came off and I started to become nihilistic: gambling, drinking and taking drugs. I had no expectation of living beyond 40.

“In 2006 I got arrested for fraud and went through the criminal justice system. I still had no self regard but I did start to understand the impact on others, particularly my family, and I felt if I wasn’t going to change for myself I was going to change for them.

“I started to go through therapy but the most important part of my recovery was volunteering at a mental health service. I was lucky to be given the chance to progress, to do courses in counselling, mental health, everything I could get on.

“I suddenly realised the chaos of my life could be given value. It gave me insight to talk to others in a non-judgemental, empathetic way and that this was what I was going to do.

“So I trained as a counsellor and began helping young offenders. I was given the opportunity to set up community projects based on regeneration and turning local areas around. Whatever the young people wanted to do we’d help them to set it up.

“By 2013 I noticed increasing numbers of the young offenders I was working with were hanging out in betting shops, getting into trouble with FOBTs, losing large sums and using crime to recoup losses.”

That led to Betknowmore.

“I decided to use my experience and went on a government start-up scheme, which was useless but provided me with a loan I used to start a website and pay for our first outreach support programme,” says Graham.

“In 2014 our service strategy, which was unique for the sector, was to engage closely with local communities, reaching vulnerable people through outreach projects, and providing effective, bespoke support to them.

“In 2014 we established the UK’s first community based gambling support hub, giving one-to-one support, workshops and drop-in sessions.

“Our support pathways focuses on promoting health and wellbeing, enhancing personal understanding of gambling triggers and drivers and empowering individuals to make changes to their lives.

“Our peer support models underpin a lot of this work, as does our partnership building and willingness to collaborate.

“We have always taken the approach that just as a person’s path to addiction is unique to them, so is their motivation for recovery.”

If you are concerned about your gambling and are worried you may have a problem, click here to find advice on how you can receive help