'A flame has been extinguished in Newmarket. A flame that will never return'

In a personal tribute, racecourse photographer and friend Michael Harris pays tribute to groom Michael Curran

It's never ever going to be the right time to say goodbye to anybody, especially when their life has been cut short so suddenly and so cruelly when they still had unlimited potential and so many hopes, dreams and aspirations to realise.

Hopes, dreams and aspirations that sadly had been recently masked mentally by life's muddy waters, personal issues that had taken over the mindset.

This is a sign of the times that we are now living in, the constant worry for many of us of being liked and of actually being accepted. Social media interaction has contributed greatly to low self-esteem issues in people of all ages.

Michael absolutely adored his horses. He was so very proud to have looked after two of the very best Group 1-winning thoroughbreds. They were his babies. I remember that he used to gently whistle to them around the paddock, a calming, soothing whistle with his lips tightly pursed that would totally relax them. Even though they were sometimes in unfamiliar places with strange smells, they knew that he was always there giving reassurance, transmitting positivity and helping them to feel safe. The horses were generally very well-behaved. Michael had an extremely rare gift with horses, he was a complete natural, and this was very obvious from the first day that I met him.

Leading jockeys pay tribute to Michael Curran, rider of Kingman and Golden Horn

Michael had the most infectious smile, an expressive, beaming smile that would light up any room, and in fact a smile that illuminated many a racecourse. He was a shy man in a lot of respects, but a great communicator, and people warmed to him instantly. His quickness of mind and dry wit would often surprise you, and he never ever failed to make you laugh. He loved sarcasm and deadpan humour and he could certainly be outrageous at times, but the more you laughed with him, the more outrageous he became. He was also a horseman of the very highest order. That was his trade and he was proud of it.

However, Michael is no more, he is no longer with us, but hopefully he is happier now and up there somewhere high above the clouds relaxing in a far more calming and peaceful place. That is surely what we all hope for when our time is up? A flame has sadly been extinguished in Newmarket. A flame that will never return. It's hard to accept. Was he crying out for help? Did we fail him? Did we do enough when he needed us? These are the inevitable questions that we ask ourselves. He fought very hard to beat his demons, clinging on so tightly to the cliff's edge, but his grip got looser and looser by the day, and eventually he just had to let go. He was in pain. Pain of mind is worse than pain of body. It's all so very sad.

I got to know Michael through my photography at the races. Many lads and lasses who look after racehorses show a lot of emotion when they take their beloved horses racing. Win, lose or draw, there are always memories to be captured. It's partly what drew me to Michael, his magnetic personality and his passion for the horses and the sport. I wanted to capture those emotions and that passion in my photos. Before, during, and after the races. They are invaluable images for anyone who works in racing and for their immediate family and friends too. Michael and I quickly became friends. It started as Facebook friends and then transcended into 'mates'.

Michael was appreciative of anything and everything that you did for him. He had manners. He was brought up properly and was forever saying thank you and showing his gratitude to you, and even though his written English was far from perfect he had an honesty in his words that endeared you to him even more. There were certainly no frills with him and he was always straight to the point, and there was constant cheeky colourful language thrown in for good measure, but his sheer sincerity was what jumped out of those frequent text messages. That is something that I will hold close to me and never forget. Honesty saves everyone's time.

Michael knew soon after the Greenham that I had become a big Kingman fan. I still am. He gave me a DVD once of Kingman working at home on the gallops in Newmarket. I still have it, and periodically I watch it and think how lucky I am to have it in my possession. That's thanks to Michael Curran. There are not many horses who can quicken instantly, show a turn of foot that immediately settles a race, but Kingman had that rare attribute. Michael had so much confidence and faith in this horse. He knew the horse's capabilities and wasn't afraid to tell you time and time again, night after night. He was desperate when Night Of Thunder beat Kingman in a rather unusual 2,000 Guineas, but the revenge at Ascot in the St James's Palace Stakes was very sweet. Michael's face that day was a picture.

Kingman wins the 2014 Greenham Stakes: the star colt was cared for by Michael CurranCredit: Edward Whitaker

Michael was allowed to visit Kingman at Banstead Manor occasionally after the horse had retired from racing and he kindly invited me to join him on one of those visits. We were greeted at the gates by a youngish but very well spoken gentleman and the two of us almost instinctively were immediately on our very best behaviour. Hands behind our backs time. It was like being back at school. That day was a real treat. What I witnessed then and there was a strong bond, a connection, between horse and man that made me take a step back and just admire. It gave me goosebumps. All bonds are built on trust. Without it you have nothing. And these two totally trusted each other.

After visiting Banstead Manor we went into the town and I took Michael for dinner at the White Hart Hotel on Newmarket High Street. He pulled up two chairs at the bar and we sat and had a few drinks. Michael was in his element. This appeared to be his safe haven. There was a real sparkle in his eyes that day. He had piercing blue eyes that were so striking. We told a few stories, laughed all afternoon, and enjoyed some great food too in between the anecdotes. There wasn't a person who walked past us that day who Michael didn't know, who Michael didn't acknowledge, and with whom Michael didn't exchange a few words. He was a popular figure in Newmarket. If only he knew how liked and respected he actually was. Unfortunately it appears he didn't.

Michael couldn't believe his luck when the year after Kingman's successes he was to look after Golden Horn. There were some great days to come at Epsom, Sandown, Leopardstown and Longchamp with Golden Horn winning the Derby, the Eclipse, the Irish Champion Stakes and the Arc. I was there for all of them. These were great times for Michael and everyone involved with the horse, probably the best days of his life. If only we could turn back time.

Personal tragedy was soon to knock Michael for six. He lost his best friend Mark, who sadly lost his life. Michael never ever got over it. He also had other personal issues that were to affect his confidence and he became more fragile. I talked to him recently about the possibility of going back to Clarehaven and he said that he had bumped into Mr Gosden recently and exchanged a few words and Mr Gosden had said that he would be welcome back any time, but Michael didn't feel that he could go back because he was as he described himself 'a changed person'. This conversation was at the end of April this year.

Michael was a good man, a sensitive man, a kind man, who took everything to heart. He couldn't help that. "For a highly sensitive person a drizzle feels like a monsoon." That was Michael. In happier times he was carefree but recently he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. When you are depressed you feel lonely and you start to cry but nobody understands. Nobody saw just how broken Michael really was, including me. That is what hurts. I'm not blaming lockdown but I don't think it helped his state of mind. He will be sorely missed. I'm just sad that none of us could help him soon enough.

Remembering the good times, remembering that smile, that laugh, and all the kindness. Rest in peace, Michael Curran. You really were one of the good guys. I'm so sorry that you felt so helpless and alone. Looking forward to seeing you again one day. Take care x

Confidential support and counselling helplines are available 24 hours a day via the Professional Jockeys Association (07780 008877) and Racing Welfare (0800 6300 443)